The thoughts that were thunk and the goings on of my life.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

To Wad and To Fold

As long as we both shall live...

Something that's bugged me of late is wadders. It seems like every time I have a guest over they are wadders. I'm kinda proud of the fact that I don't have to go out and buy a new thing of toilet paper every week. But then the wadders come to visit. I don't understand you wadders! Why do you think you need dozens of sheets to wipe yourself but once!?! There's no reason for it, you can completely clean yourself with a mere 4 sheets per day, 10 on a bad day. Instead you are just throwing my precious toilet paper down the drain!

I've heard people here and there try to make a claim as to why you should wad, but frankly there's no reason to and you cause a pain in the butt for the rest of us. Think of the utopian world were everyone folds instead of wads...there would be plenty of toilet paper for all! Toilet paper would be such a reduced expense that businesses could afford to buy the 'good stuff'. People would never fear that horrible "John Wayne Toilet Paper" experience that they know awaits them at any public facility.

So to the wadders of the world, here is why you are in the wrong:
  1. Wadding is wasteful: If you wad you use about 10x as much TP as you should.
  2. Wadders aren't wanted: As a wadder you are never a good guest. Your wadding habits are likely to be as appreciated as leaving half a serving of milk in the milk jug...nothing is more annoying.
  3. Wadders can't exist in the real world:
    You will never survive on a backpacking trip or in another country:
    Most people in this world are raised knowing that there's only so much toilet paper in the world. Your wastefulness is an international disgrace.
  4. Folders live lower stress lives: Your life will be a lot less stressful when you see the roll is almost done, cause you know you can do it...and still have leftovers
  5. Folders Save Face: You will save embarrassment in the shopping aisle when you're the person with a bunch of groceries, oh and that stuff you wipe your butt with.
  6. Wadding is dangerous to you and your environment: Most importantly, folders don't have to go running around looking for a plunger 'cause their nasty habit backfired on them

Wadders of the world, your time has come to an end! You are no longer welcome to use my restroom. If you want to use it fine, but bring your own toilet paper, and if you run out...think about how much you would have left if you had folded.

Folders of the world, stand strong. Be proud of the service you are doing to this world's trees, your municipality's sewage lines, and your own wallets. If more people were as thoughtful as you then the world would be a kinder place because more people could invite their friends over without fear of having no toilet paper for another day.


Andrea said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Andrea said...

How do you know if your guests are wadding? Do you tell your guests you are filming them, because I think the law requires that?