The thoughts that were thunk and the goings on of my life.

Sunday, October 31, 2004

People

Are what make this life worth something. Right now I'm trying to find the right group, but it seems to be evading me. We are defined by who our friends are, but sometimes it would be nice to define who we are and then find the friends that match that profile.

To my friends I have, I love you guys...even if I'm too lazy/scared to call. I wish that I could spend my time with you instead of having to start over again in another town.

Miss you.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

What happens when you're bored at work

Worst quote of the week:
"The dollar bill, it's trying to tell me something." -Nick Cage in his new movie

Best quote of the week:
"If I have to choose between a Giant douche and a Turd Sandwich then I don't want to vote." -Stan from South Park

Fun links found while bored:
www.ebaumsworld.com/castle.html
www.homestarrunner.com/trogdor.html
www.urbandictionary.com
www.techsupportalert.com/best_16_free_utilities.htm

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Freedom?

I just had this thought, and I kind of liked it:

"With complete freedom comes a lack of purpose."

Think of the typical soldier, a father, or even an employee. Every one of these people fights for freedom, but ultimately is not completely free to do what they wish, but by that lack of freedom it ties them to an object, thus giving their life a purpose or meaning.

Then think of somebody that is completely free. A bum, an Australian traveler, hypothetical African-man (the guy who is in all philosophical arguments). These people are truly free, they truly have no cares in the world; but with those lack of cares and with that complete freedom comes an omission of purpose in the world.

In order to obtain purpose you must attach yourself to something, thus limiting your freedom.

Monday, October 25, 2004

A Crazy End

I walked out of the room and down the hallway without a tear in my eye. Thinking if I should, was this something that warranted such? Perhaps I should try to fake an emotional response to something that I wasn’t compelled. Behind me my grandmother’s body lay slowly suffocating in bed. There was nothing that could be done, no ‘miracle’ cure that would have helped her. All that could be done is for the family to slowly watch her die. Or had she already died?

Ever since my mom was a child my grandmother had been plagued by schizophrenia. So ever since I had known her I had only known two ladies: One was tortured by voices telling her to do things, to leave places, to kill people, to hurt herself. And the other was a lady that was so doped up on drugs that she just sat in a chair and stared in a direction, for all of Thanksgiving, and Christmas, and Easter. Only occasionally did a hint of personality come thru; perhaps, thru a glimpse or small comment she made indicating that she actually was concerned about something. But those moments were so far and few between. Perhaps I didn’t look hard enough for them, maybe if I sat and tried harder to talk with her. But I know those are just what-ifs posed by a mind that doesn’t want to accept the truth. In my mind she had been dead for quite some time. Perhaps she was never fully alive to me.

So that leads me to question, what is it that makes a person alive? I know that only the most na├»ve would attempt to say that it’s a body with a pulse and brain waves. I saw such a corpse today, one that was merely a flaccid piece of flesh struggling to maintain physical continuance. Within our own lives we pass people in the store that are deader than those great men of the past, because one is already forgotten; yet, the other lives on thru their ideas. Is it that she didn’t ‘do’ anything for anybody? I think this is hitting close to where I’m going, but not where I want to be. Perhaps it is in our actions that we are defined as who we are. And since those actions of hers were either non-existent or so minute and far-between, this might be the catalyst for the already commenced death. So the only real way to maintain life is to pour of yourself into another. It is like a spring, the moment the spring ceases to have water come out of it it is no longer a spring. It is merely a rock. Perhaps it is a beautiful rock, perhaps it is old and cracked. Maybe the rock will continue to have people coming to it looking for the spring; or maybe no one even knew it existed. Regardless, the life of the spring is seen by the water that the spring pours out. Likewise the life of a person is seen by the life (love, hope) that pours out of them. So the minute we cease to pour forth from ourselves is the moment that we really die. <>

Is it really that sad that this evening a life slipped away? No what’s sad is that long ago a life that could have been was destroyed and that’s when the real death began. The physical death only put the final seal on what stood the potential to be a great life, but instead was one spent in fear of the voices or in a drug induced trance. Who knows why God would allow a person to become like this, maybe she was just a means to a more important end. Perhaps this was a lesson for somebody to learn. Or maybe it was just something that happened and I’ll never know why. But one day I will, and I’ll have a great lot of other questions in store for my maker.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

New Paths Crossing Familiarity

Back in the US, back in Austin, back at NI. Everything here has changed. None of the people are the same; yet, everything is the same way it was before. Young professionals moving around, younger and younger engineers heading a company. Some people excited about their work, others obviously loathing their cage. And me, I'm just observing it. In some respects I feel like one of the old dogs. I've been with the company for almost 3 years (started in January of 2002), but then again I'm on the lowest rung of the company ladder. Training so that I can do the introductory job...yet again. I'm really looking forward to all of this. I hope that I can find my place here, that I can really make a difference, not so much within the company but more in the lives of those around me. I just pray that God takes my career and moves it to where he wants it to be.

Other than work, things have been crazy. On Thursday night I got back, Friday I got an apartment, Saturday I met up with my fam (had to deal with the whole 'Big D' issue for the first time up front), moved in on Sunday, and now I'm just busy with work, trying to get new stuff for my place and maybe one day I'll even start to unpack. But not for now, cause tonight I get to go see my nephew, Gabriel Alexander Morron, say high to his mama, and then clean. Really I'm torn between doing new things with new people and keeping up with all that is old. Both are important, but there's only so much time in the world.

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Or Vwa

Well, this is my last post from Europe. The trip has been amazing, one that my grandbabies are going to get sick of hearing. I've learned much and grown more. So in my final piece from this place I want to give you the greatest lesson that I've learned. No matter where you are or how great it is, that place is nothing compared to the people that you meet, and even less important than those you love. Friendship are more important than all the riches in the world.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Living in a Transit Station

Sometimes I feel like a transit station. So much traveling is beginning to wear a little thin on me. Not so much of a prob with where I am going, just all the junk I have to go thru to get there. Combined with the fact that I have had one decent night´s sleep in the last 3, and those nights combined make almost a full night´s sleep.

Rants:
1. Why do people not realize they smell bad? Last night one of the biggest reasons I couldn´t sleep is because the two guys next to me had such strong BO that I literally gagged on the stench.
2. If somebody is sleeping next to you and it´s 5am...DON´T start talking really loudly to your friends.
3. If a Spanish ticket salesman tells you that you don´t need a reservation for the train, he´s lying.
4. When thieves are caught the person who the offense was done against should be allowed to put their balls in a vice. 10 seconds for every $ 1 of value stolen.

I think that´s it. I´ve really had a great time, but I´m ready to come home now. I´ve seen tons of Europe, found amazing people and places. My goal is complete. Now I´m just looking forward to a little more normalcy. I haven´t had a house to live in since I graduated, I haven´t cooked myself a meal in 2 months, and I´ve only had broken contact with my best friends.

Today is my next to last day. I´m in Madrid, going to Paris tonight, and flying out the next morning. So Texas, I´ll see you soon. And I´m stoked cause I get to watch football, see the 2nd presidential debate, and on the 7th Bill O´Reilly is going to be on the Late Show. Should be a great weekend to get back.