The thoughts that were thunk and the goings on of my life.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Girl Lesson of the Day

When girls are emotionally distressed by something, never claim you've had/been thru/seen worse. If you don't know what it is, then ask one of them in private and if you have no clue where to begin try, "How did it make you feel?" "What is the part that made you hurt for X the most?" "Can we do anything to help you feel better?"

With girls, never make a statement about what is. Simply ask them what is, even if you know it, and then wait for them to tell you how they need to continue. If they need you, be there. If they don't ask, don't offer.

Most importantly, make sure to listen. "Not a medical procedure, not anything like that, oh no, much worse." This means the scene in question is not gratuitous gore; rather, it is something emotionally traumatizing.

Women need a strong anchor, and they need to know that no matter what storm they or you go thru that everything will settle back to where it should be. Now get in the game, play smart, be there to help and good things may come…or they may not, but at least that way you won’t piss anybody off.

Ladies, Fellas or Owls; if you have any additional words of core advice about what girls need, then please comment below.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Things People Saw

I can't believe that this was really advertised as a Valentine's Day movie! Last year I thought advertising The Notebook was retarded...this just exceeds those boundaries and blows them away.

...Such sickos

On a side note, I'm really hacked that Love Monkey has been put on hiatus (thanks Amy). It's the best show on TV right now, I can't believe they would cancel it. The good news though is that I heard Wayne's song on the radio yesterday...let's hope that it at least helps his career. The show kicks butt, and like Sex and the City it will take a long time for its greatness to be appreciated. Man, I hate CSI, NCIS, American Idol, Dancing with the Stars, and all those other moronic autopsy/lawyer/different-city-same-plot shows. Give me some content, some real content. Scrubs is the most insightful show on TV right now, followed by Gray's Anatomy. Both of those are doing really well...just give Love Monkey a chance!

I think Judy Greer is Andrea's Celebrity Look-Alike; except Andrea has better curves. Let me know if you've found a better look-alike.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006


You know, even if you win, you'll still be a luger.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Let's Give Them Something to Talk About

I know I've been absent from the blogging world a lot lately, but the truth of the matter is that my job is to sit in front of a computer and type all day, so the last thing that I really want to do when I get home is type some more. It doesn't mean that I've stopped thinking stuff, it just means that I'm now too lazy to actually record those thoughts. Plus there's been a few other distractions in my life lately that I would rather spend my time with.

Anyways, I'm out of town on business this week, so hopefully that will help to give me a bit more time to make some decent content. If not, then I hope you enjoy what you got today.

~Otis Out


They're nothing to laugh at.

For some stupid reason I decided that this year I would make sure that I’m healthy and ready to take on the next 2/3 of my life (I don’t think I want to live much past 75, I think once I hit 70 I’ll start doing all sorts of crazy stuff that should kill me...better than spending $250k per year on a nursing home. A la Second Hand Lions).

Anyways, that’s meant plenty of trips to doctors and dentists trying to make sure that everything is alrght. Well, it was alright until I started getting stuff done. I had some cavities filled and ever since then every day has been a miniture lesson in agony. I hope it ends soon...very soon. Unfortunately it isn’t. In fact, ever since that day I’ve been popping Excedrin, Asprin, Ibuprofen, Aleve, and Vicoprofen like they are candy. Except the Vicoprofen, that stuff put me on the floor of my cubicle praying that the world would stop spinning and that I could get ‘sober’ enough to drive home and be sick the rest of the day.

What’s really weird for me is this is the first extended period in my life where all is not well with my health. Well, I guess the health is alright, but man, the pain in my face is just tiring. I haven’t even slept for more than 4 hours in almost 2 weeks because that’s the 1/2 life of most medications.

One thing that I am learning in all of this though is that nobody wants to really hear about how bad you feel. So if you have seen me in the last few days and I’ve seemed distracted it’s because I want to knock my teeth out with a sledge hammer (a.k.a. Ford Fixer). But talking about medicine and my pain is really annoying, so this will probably be my last blog on the topic.

Or to put in the wise words of Andrea’s dad (refering to a different topic), “Why don’t we just quit talking about what we don’t like talking about.”

Lesson learned: If you aren’t in pain, don’t see a health professional, because they will help you to achieve the pain that you are trying to avoid.

Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

[Monday 2-5-2006]

So this morning I was coming back to my house from running an errand and was about to head to work when I saw the bane of urban existence, a motorcycle cop, round the corner. I then realized that my registration was expired because I got it last week and had yet to get the new inspection, so I knew I was toast. The officer pulled behind me and lit up his beady lights and drove up to my window. I rolled it down, and showed him that I had the registration and that it was going on my lunch break that day to get it inspected (maybe not today, but definitely sometime this week...and subsequently today). I asked him if I could go on because I knew what the problem was and was going to take care of it. Despite the reasonable request the officer told me I needed to pull over (which I already was), so I told him that I would just go around the corner. I pulled out onto the road, then pulled into the parking lot, opened my door and got out to hand him my registration, insurance and license. I think he got scared because I was about 1.5 ft taller than he was, and he said, get in the car, get in the car now! He and the officer with him began to conspire what they could nail me with. I think I saw an ‘exhibition of acceleration’ in there. Yeah, well I think there was also a ‘reckless endangerment’ in the way he was driving. Oh look, the insurance is expired (I accidentally handed him the older card from my car instead of the one in my wallet). I heard that and I said, “Wait no! I have a current insurance here” and handed it to him. Disheartened at the reduced amount of tickets he could give me, he shuffled his overfed body and took the newer insurance stub. After spending some time conspiring with the other officer they decided that instead of the account of events, that their version should include whatever they could legally get away with to screw me with.

So here’s what I got:
Exhibition of Acceleration (>$166)
Failure to change Address ($134)
Expired Inspection ($130)
Going 45 in a 30 ($160)

In the words of my down under friends “wtf mate?

What sort of idiot would peel out in front of a cop? I pulled out like I normally should have and made a completely legal turn. Accelerated to 30 mph (believe me I was watching my speed). Who changes their address when they move? I moved 6 times once in a year, does that mean I should have changed my address each time...I guess the answer is yes.

I am so sick of Texas, I hate motorcycle cops, I can’t believe that guys like that are allowed to enforce the laws. Why don’t you go out and do some sort of service for the city? Oh wait, you’re just a revenue generator for the city. That’s all most officers do anymore. However, if a real crime is permitted, where are you? When I saw that guy cutting people off on the highway, where are you? When people in pickups cut off cars because they can, where are you? When bikes do wheelies down the highway, where are you? When you were behind that car that was belching smoke like a locomotive, why didn’t you pull them over? However, I come back home from getting milk and am following most of the real laws and getting the rest taken care of and you try and stick me for whatever you can.

I wish I could find out where you live and give you ‘presents’. Why is it that being a cop gives you the right to be a jerk. If you were a real person you would get your butt kicked for being a total moron and being so disrespectful of somebody’s very existence. Charging people with crimes is NOT a joke, should not be laughed about, and should never be handed out like it was candy. Now to go file an official complaint. It won’t matter though because the people in the office have to pretend that everything an officer says is truth and the rest of us are just idiots trying to disrupt the peace...the peace which would be better maintained by you not having a job. Believe me, what I feel inside right now is NOT peace...if only I could have showed you there...but that would have been a felony, so you’ll never really know.

Changing your DL address is completely seperate from changing your address with the local government, the vehicle registration office, the post office, or even your voter registration. Total tally $134.

Inspection was passed without them even charging me for the obligatory “bad wipers”. Total tally $10.

Exhibition of Acceleration is not actually legally defined as any. So if any of you lawyer friends of mine (hint, hint!) know of any way I can find cases where it was defined, then could you forward me those so that I can make a decent case before the judge.

Also, if anybody wants to do some physics and calc with me in the coming weeks, then let me know so that I can prove that my car is not capable of reaching 45 mph in the distance I went.

Thanks also to my dad for his help in these matters.

J.B. Weld

Thanks to Tim for the serious bonding. It’s great to have people around like you that I can call my friend.

I’d say more, but that’s the awesome thing about being a guy...nothing else needs to be said.