The thoughts that were thunk and the goings on of my life.

Tuesday, November 30, 2004


It's gone. It's funny how just simple digits express such meaning in our lives. Just think about 867-5309, boom you thought of Jenny. Or maybe 007, bam you're a spy that gets hot women. So for me one of those numbers was 0607. Those four little numbers that reminded me of her every time I had checked a bank statement. At one point in time that password had been a source of comfort, that extra little memory that would be such a pleasant thought in my day. But then she left, but the numbers were still there. Maybe there was always the small hope that the memories would be the good ones, but even mixed between there was the pain. Recently it was just a stupid pain. Why would I even want to remember those numbers? For now it's gone. The reminder is missing, but the number will always hold a meaning. Part of me wonders why I didn't delete them sooner, change the password immediately. But lingering in the background is the wish that they never had to be changed.

Sunday, November 28, 2004

Singles Groups are for Old Divorced People

First Thanksgiving with the now further disjointed family. Visited new relatives, played with the boys, threw babies in the air, watched the babies throw things up on their mothers, enjoyed it all, but it was without deep meaning...yet.

My parents seem to be the only ones who realize that nobody wins by them splitting up. They claim they are happier, but why are they too immature to simply have an honest talk with one another? I'll probably spend most of the Christmas season just trying to find a way to avoid them both so that I don't have to commit to one and thereby hurt the other's feelings. Kids, don't get divorced, it sucks, and nobody wins.

In good/bad news, I think I've re-evaluated my stance on babies. I now like them when they are 5+ months old. That way they can smile, do funny baby things, but they still don't talk so you can pretend they're only thinking happy thoughts. Babies are really cute when they smile and mimic the faces you make. Plus my nephew has a nickname now "Buddy". It's more fun than Gabriel, so I think that's gonna stick for a LONG time.

It was nice having time off from work. The phones are driving me nuts. I'm trying to have a good attitude in there, but honestly I'm just not enjoying the whole work thing. I'm just hoping that I'll get more used to it. But really I think the biggest thing for me is that I need to find a few commitments outside of work to get me involved in Austin...who knows what they'll be, but church groups and Frisbee may be in the mix. Although I really don't like how now that I'm not in college that I'm supposed to go to the 'singles' group. For some reason that just makes me feel old. It's not that I'm opposed to meeting women, in fact I'd love to even see somebody that’s female and not a coworker, but my main goal right now is not to have the acme of my evening be when I get to watch that day’s recorded episode of BBC World News.

Oh well, at least this weekend was great. I got to run up to Oklahomo for the second time in my life. But this was the first time I went on purpose and let me say it was great. I got to spend some time with Cleatus (aka Chris MacWatters) and his fam, had a home cooked meal by grandma, plus we ended up hanging out with a bunch of our friends from camp. Man I love those people. It was so nice too getting to see them outside of the stress of chasing after kids all day. They are truly wonderful people, and I hope that our paths don't diverge too much.

I'm _______ because:
Happy: Alias Season 4 starts Jan 5, babies are cute, Desperate Housewives is a surprisingly entertaining score, I drove from OK City to Austin in 5 hours on the Sunday of Thanksgiving, Kat O'Hearne is moving to Austin, and because I got to spend some time alone with 3 of my siblings this weekend.
Sad: Women refuse to allow logic to be applied to their own contrived depressive situations to see that things are all bad, Austin is really boring right now, and because even if I sleep from now until work I'll still average 6 hours for the last two nights.
Joyful: I know that no matter what is in the happiness or sadness categories that my purpose on this earth will always be to serve God.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

I Will Never Forget

Little did he know that while he was soundly sleeping something terrible was happening to his friends just down the street. A nightmare instantly became reality and quickly lives were shattered, but he slept peacefully on. He heard some commotion in the hallway outside, but figured it was the normal rustling of a dorm. Then at about six in the morning the phone started to ring. Parents and friends began to call. They knew some secret that he had not even know. Suddenly the truth began to become apparent. He found out that the rumors and worries were based on fact, that his perfect world was just one evening away from being shattered. He stood there in shock, not knowing what best to do. Quickly he donned his gear to work, but was halted at the door. His help wasn’t needed, not yet. The only thing he could then do was pray. Unfortunately he also had tests that day and class, so he made his way towards those, but reality was that his mind was merely on the tragedy just down the street, the tragedy that would fill his next few months, the tragedy that had already severed the lives of those he knew.

Finally by lunch he couldn’t take it, he knew help was needed, he could not just sit there with the inner torture of thinking that had time been shifted just a bit, then it would be for him that so many were mourning. So he went out, began to see what could be done. Turns out that for the rescue efforts some of the trees needed to be moved so that more crews could get in. So he went to go lift them, but to carry a tree a team was needed. That team bonded as never before. Suddenly the lines that had been drawn over the past semester didn’t matter anymore. Corps people were standing right along side Non-Regs unifying to help our fallen comrades. It was heart wrenching work because he knew that friends were in there, but he did not know which of those friends were still there and which weren’t.

Slowly the cloud of mixed information began to rise, and more heart breaks were seen and heard of. That evening when he was coming home he saw his friends begin to bawl. There was no doubt the amount of anguish they were going thru. But what was weird is that he had known the guy, but just never gotten to know him better. My friends began to describe who they were mourning for and it hit him like a ton of bricks. This guy was Chad Powell, an amazing genius, a leader in his honors math class, a dedicated community volunteer, a close friend to many. But on this day all of that potential came crashing down with a pile of once glorious logs. Then the frightening realization began to set in. Had everything come crashing down just one night later it would have been him. He would have been on shift to work, he would have been at the base of the stack, and it so easily could have been him who had lost their life. What was the purpose in his continuing to live? Why did he survive? Is it luck? Is it fate? Is there a reason behind the deaths of those who did not make it out?

I never found out all of the answers to those questions. But I do know I’m more thankful for being here. So many lives were changed that day. Some of my friends would never be the same. Some would repress everything and try to forget the pain that happened that day. In time there would be fighting about how to best move on. But the truth is that every body moves on in different ways. There are still times in my life to where I look back to where I was and I thank God that I’m still alive and pray for the families of those who are not.

Bonfire ’99 – We will never forget

Monday, November 08, 2004

America Spoke and Life Goes Racing Onwards

So, the elections have come and gone. Despite my worries somebody managed to be elected by enough of a majority that it prevented either party from starting a virtual civil war split between the "For Bush's" and the "Anything-But-Bush's". Although I did vote for the Douche Bag I'm not really upset at his loss. I do respect how quickly he conceeded, and frankly I feel sorry for him because he was unable to conjure more of the vote despite almost half of America's absolute disdain for him. I just hope the rest of the world is willing to start working more with Bush. I think they may have thought that he was going to be unemployed soon, but now that he's not, perhaps they will have to work more strongly with him. I think that's all I'm going to write about this, because I really don't care. I'm really hoping that the US is given some great candidates in 2008. My predictions/hopes are Colin Powell vs. a party shifting John McCain. As long as the Dems don't really think that Hillary could become elected, then their party will be in better shape.

Now on to things that really matter. God, Friends and Work. I'll go in reverse order. Work is starting to get fun. I'm starting to get a little busier and there are a few more challenges that are motivating me to get excited about it all. My real wishes are along these lines. I hope that I get to better know the people in my team and that we are able to grow as collegues and friends. I hope that I can prove to myselft and to the company that I'm an asset.

Friends are so great. This last week I was blessed by God showing me just how many friends I've made over the past few years and just how much I value their friendship. I had a couple of friends come in to Austin to visit me and we had a blast. Then this weekend I went to College Station to see the game, but more importantly to see friends. And somehow I got to see a ton of them. Friends from Fish Camp, FLIP, roommates, my freshmen, friends from camp. And I also learned that one of the people I always considered a friend really couldn't care less about me...that hurt, but it was a lesson I needed. It was so much fun, with so many stories that I'd love to share, but must remained locked in my head.

When I got back to town I picked up a roll of film from HEB. This was a roll that I had somehow found in all of my stuff, but had no clue where it was from, when I had taken the film or if it was even mine. So I was pretty excited about finding out what it was. Perhaps lost college memories, maybe something from a party or a friend's lost roll filled with their memories that were unknown to me. But instead it was the LAST thing I expected. It was a roll containing pictures of my family. All of us as kids. Me from my only leading theatrical role in the Homeschool play "Pilgrim's Progress." Pictures of my grandfather alive and laughing up a storm with his grandkids. Us kids playing in the lake together before the stupid adolescent differences slowly drove us apart. And finally my parents in their younger days, a bit less wise and a bit healthier looking (or as my dad said refering to his present overweight condition, "That was one and a half people ago"). The best surprises are the ones we least expect, and this is no exception.

God in His typical fashion has made me snap back into reality and realize how important he really is in my life. Recently I had been pondering what our lives are really meant for. Where our true purpose lies, where people find hope. How people attach themselves to an idea or concept, so that they are enslaved to a purpose and thus gain meaning and importance. How there is true freedom in not looking out first for one's self. All of those thoughts motivated me to do some reading, and to in general try to slow my life down a bit (something I'm horrible at and really doubt will ever happen). Therefore I'll leave you with a few quotes that I've found meaningfull.

Unless you assume a God, the question of life's purpose is meaningless.
- Bertrand Russell (an atheist)

A life devoted to things is a dead life, a stump; a God-shaped life is a flourishing tree.
- Proverbs 11.28

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Time to go Vote

Alright, the time has come. I'm going to go vote. Hopefully I can get there in time and not wait too long. Basically here's what I decided. I have to vote for the person who I believe will best lead our country for the majority of events we will run into. Frankly I really like Bush as a person, and would love to hook up with his daughter Barbara one day, but that doesn't change the reality that if we don't get another leader soon then we'll continue our downward cycle in the rest of the world's view. And frankly, if you think that the whole world is against you all the time, then maybe you're the one in the wrong. In other races I think I'll vote for Jon Porter for as my congressman, and a couple republicans as some of the local and state representatives, but seriously. I gotta go now.