When girls are emotionally distressed by something, never claim you've had/been thru/seen worse. If you don't know what it is, then ask one of them in private and if you have no clue where to begin try, "How did it make you feel?" "What is the part that made you hurt for X the most?" "Can we do anything to help you feel better?"
With girls, never make a statement about what is. Simply ask them what is, even if you know it, and then wait for them to tell you how they need to continue. If they need you, be there. If they don't ask, don't offer.
Most importantly, make sure to listen. "Not a medical procedure, not anything like that, oh no, much worse." This means the scene in question is not gratuitous gore; rather, it is something emotionally traumatizing.
Women need a strong anchor, and they need to know that no matter what storm they or you go thru that everything will settle back to where it should be. Now get in the game, play smart, be there to help and good things may come…or they may not, but at least that way you won’t piss anybody off.
Ladies, Fellas or Owls; if you have any additional words of core advice about what girls need, then please comment below.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
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3 comments:
Didn't Kelly say last night that one of her favorite things about her boyfriend is that when she's freaking out he asks "What do you need?" and is willing to give just that? I want a boyfriend like that. One who aks, responds, and doesn't try to fix things. Ah yes, don't try to fix things. We don't want you to fix anything, we (usually) just want someone to listen and a hug.
Ah, yes, ain't growing up FUN!! This here's one of the timeless inscrutables of mankind/womankind. Making the "logical" task-oriented factually motivated male mind mesh gears with the female's emotionally driven, security needy ups & downs. Sounds like you're getting a handle on things pretty well...Yes, do LISTEN (then listen and listen some more). It's so tough for a guy to keep his yapper from flappin' to expound upon all the logical ways to handle the predicament, that are such a simple fix of the "problem," when all that is really truly desired is understanding, a sounding board, encouragement, security reinforcement, love & hugs, and assurance that it IS going to be alright. Amy has some good points (and concisely!). Don't worry, you'll likely never master the techniques (kind of like trying to be "Christ-like"), but it is worth a lifetime of effort to give it your best attempt (sure beats being a selfish macho jerk); the rewards are enormous!! I've certainly made my share of misjudgements, but I've striven to be what I ought in life (looking forward to doing even better in my second half-century), though I still catch myself pontificating with the undesired "answer" to the problem. Have your heart in the right place, never, ever give up, be humble, ask (& give) forgiveness readily, sincerely apologize whenever you even think you might have erred, and just put HER needs before yours (after all, you know how to fix YOUR problems!!)...
Heed 1ST Peter 3:7 - "In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives [& boyfriends practice with girlfriends]. Treat her with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life. If you don't treat her as you should [as Christ loved the church], your prayers will not be heard." [You do NOT want that!]...
New Living Translation, by the way. God doesn't expect perfection, just your heart and mind to give it your very best; and to ask for His help on a regular basis... Hang in there...Sounds like you're on the right track...Feel free to call/visit for additional tips of the trade (ha,ha)!...Also, an oldie, but goodie is Dr. James Dobson's book, "What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women" - the best I ever found on the topic - and a good read, too - I highly recommend it for really broadening (this time, pun not intended) your perspectives on the matter. -#2 member of your fan club...
I think that applies to people in general.
We all know what we are doing wrong. We really don't need someone to reitterate that. Most of the time we just need the support to go and do what we already know needs to be done.
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