The thoughts that were thunk and the goings on of my life.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

We'll Love You Just the Way You Are...

One thing that I've really been struggling a lot with lately is my faith. Now I don't mean anything like I don't think the Bible has any validity to it, or that I want to hate on the Pope. No, it's more a matter of I feel like everything that people try to say builds my faith is starting to seem kinda silly.

In church every Sunday they encourage us to 'grow closer', 'look inward', 'find out how you can change', 'join an accountability group'...

All of these messages seem to be about how I am not enough, how I need to keep striving for more, how regardless of where I'm at I need to look inside a bit more and try to find something that's messed up and try to fix that. I think I'm starting to see what it is that so many people resent in the church. It's that you can never be good enough. No matter what you do, how great you are, how much you try it's still not enough...so what's the point?

Another thing that's really hard for me right now is that in all of the groups, all of the time I spend reading the Bible, studying the Bible, talking about the Bible, learning more about the Bible I'm starting to see that we don't really seem to DO anything. Yes, we share thoughts and sometimes I feel like I learn something when I read it all, but the truth of the matter is that I don't really see much actual practice being made of what's therein? I mean there is a whole bunch of stuff about how we are supposed to help people, give up what we have to make the world better, really take on the Christian attitude of servitude. However, I cannot tell you the last time I really did any of those things. Even with the recent stuff in Nawlins I didn't actually help anything...no time was spent in a shelter, nothing was done to aid in sorting materials, nada. Instead in the last week I've spent hours trying to read, study, catch up, and prepare for more study of the Bible. I feel like I'm just in a high school physics class and I'm spending so much time learning the theories that I never get to have the joy of just dropping a TV from the roof.

Finally, it seems like most Christians today are determined that they will never be happy? Why is that? Because they are constantly searching their lives for something that's messed up. Even the happiest person is continuously encouraged to search for how they can change, reflect on what is really happening on the inside, confess any possible sin... Am I not allowed to just be happy!?! I really do love my life, I like what's new, I enjoy what's old, I think I do some things well, I know I do other things poorly, I know that life can be fun and hard at the same time, I just want to be allowed to enjoy myself. But instead of really doing something, really having fun like I know my spirit desires, I'm encouraged to sit and reflect more. Something I said in a conversation earlier really stuck with me, so I'll stick it here:
"Life really just becomes a house of mirrors if all you do is reflect." -Me

...if you're perfect.

5 comments:

Andrea said...

I couldn't have said it better myself.

That song is the story of my life. Alanis, I feel your pain.

Jess said...

Amen brotha.

Anonymous said...

I agree with you. I'm tired of "old" haggard crotchity christians and yet I have to constantly fight not become one. You should read Dangerous Wonder by Mike Yacanelli. He talks about how to ditch the monotony and how to recapture the joy of just knowing Christ.

yi said...

well, the truth is, we ARE never enough... by ourselves. i think the vital second part to the message should be it's alright to never be enough and to be imperfect, but only with Christ is it alright. God accepts us as we are with all of our flaws and eff ups only because we are made perfect in Christ. This is the message that I think a lot of churches fail to get across to unbelievers. Instead the message they seem to send is that christianity is about struggling to be perfect. But really it's about humility before the Lord, admitting we are not perfect and to quote Wayne and Garth "not worthy". I think the key is to find the joy in our humility. if we could just let go of our stupid pride, we'd all be a lot happier.

And I agree with you about some small groups. There have been many that are more focused where I feel I've learned a lot, but many of the peer-based ones I feel frustrated about. I seriously have the same conversation in my mind every time we start discussing how to recognize God's will (which is a topic that always comes up) and I always say to myself, "I keep having this this exact same conversation since high school. do we not get it yet?" I don't know. It's like we are always trying to figure every little thing out about our lives instead of just living it. It drives me nuts. this is why i hate christians.

Rachel said...

You sound like a disaffected catholic. Welcome to the club.