The thoughts that were thunk and the goings on of my life.

Friday, December 23, 2005

Suspended State of Disbelief

With the holiday season (or for you conservatives that can't stand the thought that other people might celebrate other holidays, you can pretend that I said "Christmas" Season), comes lots of songs that will follow you in your car, in the mall, in your favorite grocery store. Most of that music is cheesy, but rather nostalgic. I actually really enjoy the classic songs that help us to celebrate the season, like Silent Night, We Three Kings, I LOVE Hark to the Bells, and Nat King Cole sings some great songs. There are a few good songs that just sing about winter and the fun with the family. While I think that chestnuts roasted on an open fire taste pretty gross, I can definitely appreciate the song. The final genre is those lame songs that people write because they want to trick children into believing Santa Clause is real. I figured it out on my own when I was that was pretty much my 2nd self-aware Christmas. Oh well, it's a lame trick, but some of those songs are cute about how Santa Clause is coming to town, but that's true just like the insurgents in Iraq only want peace and the apocalypse is nigh.

What I can't stand though is listening to the ridiculous story of Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. -Which actually "was originally written in verse by Robert L. May for the Montgomery Ward chain of department stores in 1939 and published as a book to be given to children in the store at Christmas time." (Wikipedia)- I can suspend my disbelief for Santa, that snow men can talk and be your friend, that elves work in sweatshops to make gifts for the spoiled children, or that Santa is able to visit every house in one evening in the whole world. What I can't buy into is that a Reindeer has a nose that glows. Yeah, an animal might have a nose that's really red, but it most certainly won't send an infrared beam that magically helps Santa to see thru blinding fog.

Now, if it was Rudolph the Red Nose Anglerfish, then I could maybe begin to buy into the story that one of Santa's animals has a glowing protrusion.

But until that day, this song is a load of crap, and we should do our best to keep it from ever being played. If we ever want children to listen to what we say, then we first need to start by not telling such ridiculous lies!


Andrea said...

That's the most awesome thing I've ever seen. I'm so telling my kids the story of Rudoph the red-nosed angler fish.

Anonymous said...

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Anglerfish Had a Very Shiny Frontal Appendage And all the Plankton Loved Him As They Tried to Flee His Jaws. All of the Other Crustaceans Were Pierced Upon His Needle Teeth They Never Saw Poor NEMO Who Swam Right By Underneath! Then One Foggy Kwansaa Eve Neptune Came to Say Rudolph, With You Appendage Bright Won't You Hold My Trident Tonite? Then All the Seaworms Swarmed Him They Glowed in Luminescent Glee Rudolph the Red-Nosed Anglerfish You'll Go Down By the Count of 3! -Now ain't that just jaw-inspiring?

Anonymous said...

Ah, the time of seasoned greetlings is upon us again.... Here's some of my hollowday flavorites: We Three Martin Luther Kings, by Rev. Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, & Charlie Rangel........... The First "Oh, Well!", by A. Nonymuss (also Came up with the Cliche: If at first you don't succeed, try, try again!)............ Oh Tanning Bomb, by Chris P. Kritter ............ Hark! The Hair-Raising Anglerfish Stings!, by Rudolph D. Redknowsanglerfish.............. Oh Holey Socks, by Darnit Aggin................ Silent Nite, by Mute Singer............... Away With The Manager, By Gonna Gitt Promoted............... Sandy Paws Is Comin' To Town, by Beach Doggy-dogg............... Chester's Nuts Roasting By An Open Fire, by Eifel Aszleap Bideffyre............ Dingle Belles, by Blondie......... Oh Come All Ye Faithless, by L. Ron Hubbard & Mary Baker Eddy........... Mary's Bouy Child, by The Lighthouse Choir with The Harbor Lights Orchestra.............. and last, but not least is: Druggy The Snowman, by Miss Anne Fettemine. These Holiday Hits are Available for a Limited Time Only at Your Local Seedy Store!!! So, Hurry!!!!!