This is where we're gonna live.
Well, today I'm moving to a new place with the help of some friends and a Uhaul truck. I must say this is the most exciting move I can ever think of making. This is the last time that I will move somewhere as a single man. It's definitely exciting to think that my new apartment will be the place where I start my married life and get to do things with somebody else and not just by myself.
Quick update, the wedding stuff is going well. Work is remaining challenging, but some doors are starting to open. Life is busy but good. People have already started buying us presents for the wedding which is really awesome (hint: I don't own any pots/pans and have one non-butter knife). Internet time has been somewhat limited as I haven't had my main computer up and running in almost 6 weeks. Also most of my internet free time has been spent making other sites for the wedding.
Yeah, so I thought this wedding thing would be a bit easier. In its essence it's just a big party. But then there's the details, and as much as you shouldn't stress the details, they can't just be forgotten. Like, What am I going to say while up there? Who can we invite? Where do we get booze/food/music/surprises/....? How do we keep things on the down low so that not everybody thinks they're coming? How do we manage time so that all of these people that we owe our time to can feel like they're a part of the process? How do I still get some time to myself when I stopped work at 5pm on Friday, have to go to Houston, have to go to Temple, have to attend a shower, have to go to a party, and have to take care of all the normal stuff all in a weekend? How do I still keep up a decent workout schedule so that I Look Good Naked (LGN Diet)? Why am I only gaining weight? Will any of the stress actually end after marriage or is that just a fantasy that I'm entertaining? When will the eustress stop?
That's just a small list of all the questions. I guess the real factor is that marriage is scary and so is anything in the future. It's hard to balance what's important and what needs to be done. And while life will never truly be relaxed, how do I maximize my moments of zen?
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I no longer believe that it is possible to have a low-stress wedding unless you elope. But the wedding stress is over after the wedding, so that's good news right?
That said, the second round of eustress from the transition from single to married, that didn't really even start to fade for me until about a month or two months after we got married. It was a great experience living with Jeremy all of a sudden, but I felt like I was always wound up. By two months we were relatively settled in to the new house, and had started to develop new routines together so life felt like it had a regular order again (although a different order than ever before:) That said, I think it was more like 6-8 months before I looked around and realized that I really was "adjusted." And I'm sure I'll look back on that in a year and think "silly me, I wasn't even close to adjusted yet!"
The best thing that Jeremy and I have done during that whole initial adjustment time was give each other a lot of space. Like, a LOT. We basically had a rule that both of us were supposed to keep doing what we normally did, and the other would speak up if they really needed or wanted input or help or company. I don't think this is the standard approach to new marriage, but it was really good for us. At first everyone teased us that we were like roomates who slept together. We did chores separately, grocery shopped separately, showed up at church separately, and still hung out with our separate friends by ourselves whenever we wanted to. Looking back, that roomate thing might have been true. But it didn't last. We do a whole lot more of that stuff together now than we did at first, because eventually it just seemed more natural to do it together. We never planned to stay "roomates with benefits" forever, but it worked well for us to let ourselves ease into the overwhelming but really cool "togetherness" that is marriage. Had we tried to immediately switch everything about our lives from single to double, we would probably have both completely freaked out, so easing in really worked to minimize stress for us. However, that's just us. If you guys find it easiest to do everything together right off the bat then maybe that's your stress-reducing techinque. I think the basic thing is just to keep focused on what the two of you really want and not to listen to what anyone says about how you should live your relationship. (And believe me, if you thought you got a lot of advice about the wedding...) With half the marriages in the country ending in divorce, there's no reason to believe that anyone else knows any more than you do;) So you may as well live marriage the way the two of you want, knowing that some stress, even eustress is inevitable!
(longest blog post ever--lo siento)
What is "eustress"? Webster says The word you've entered isn't in the dictionary. Click on a spelling suggestion below or try again using the search box to the right.
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Eustress:
1. Eustress is the opposite of Distress. While the reason for the stress may be positive, the effect on the person is equally taxing. (pyschology definition)
2. Eustress can be defined as a pleasant or curative stress. We can't always avoid stress, in fact, sometimes we don't want to. Often, it is controlled stress that gives us our competitive edge in performance related activities like athletics, giving a speech, or acting. (first hit on google)
3. This is the type of ‘positive’ stress that keeps us vital and excited about life. The excitement of a roller-coaster ride, a scary movie, or a fun challenge are all examples of eustress. (about.com)
First off...Thanks Jess! And I thought that I was the only long-winded contributor/kibitzer! I Appreciate you taking some of that "eustress" off of me!! Speaking of which, I always thought that "eustress" was when a female sheep became over-pressured (like when choosing a mate, the poor girl-sheep would start counting prospective guy-sheep, but kept falling asleep before adding up all potential mates); or was "eustress" when a dude from New Joisey makes fun of someone else's mode of attire ("Hey, Yew! Eustress like some kinuv uh clown or sumpin', eh?"); or was it when your fiance shops for clothing in a consignment shop ("It was so lovely, and so inexpensive, I just had to buy that eustress instead of a new one!")???...Alas, I dyegrass (helps during a drought to keep your lawn green)....
-Regarding wedding stress, this too shall pass. The acting analogy is appropriate, as there's heaps of performance pressure on you, but you get so jazzed & energized about it, that God gives you the ability to handle it all, and still do just fine....Wedding-Schmedding, what's most important is the eternal commitment you're making, the pledge, as the Lord gives you strength, to live to benefit your beloved only (and in doing so, she will in similar measure do so for you, and both of your dreams and hopes and not only realized, but vastly exceeded). The marriage is the public affirmation and oath/promise/vow of what you two have already decided in your hearts before God. Die to yourself, and live for the other (The Lord first, her second, you last - see Matt. 20:26-28 - he who wishes to lead must be a servant to the other(s) T.W.O. paraphrase).
-Furthermore, stresses never go away, they morph, alter, vary, etc., BUT, God will give you ability to weather it all - especially now as a team, facing the challenges together (I (We) can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me (us) - as married, you two are one). It's so much better to have your partner's input to each problem, and she'll value yours (as long as you don't try to fix everything - much stress is alleviated by mere attentive listening - great theraputic value in that!!). I don't know about Jess' "Roomie with fringe benefits" method of partnering, I trust it has worked out for her & will, but working through life's obstacles TOGETHER is terrific. Be each other's best buddy. Chart your own course (with Christ as your compass). Learn what the other needs, and strive to accomodate it. Communicate freely about your thoughts, plans, aspirations, feelings, AFTER listening intently to the other's same. It will all work out great as long as your spritual priorities remain in focus throughout your decision making. Keep the Lord in the mix in all you do - truly you will live long and not regret having done so. Sometimes a "NO" or a delay or a frustration is God's best answer for you. He deals in the long run of life, not in your plans for tomorrow. Trust His timing, PRAY expectantly and continually, take time regularly to search His Word for the answers. Wait upon the Lord. Your stress thereby will be minimized and diminished when your focus is on trusting God to provide the way, the open doors, the paths to follow. He knows how it ends - and He loves you both and wants only what's best for each of you! (I know, enough already!!....) Just don't stress over stressing. It's there, you'll make it, you're doing fine, just hang in there. Life's greatest adventures are waiting for you both to discover in due time...in due time...enjoy each day God grants you, one at a time. It's OK to sometimes cut back on commitments, if you've over done it, talk it over with her, make wise discernments, sagacious decisions, erudite evaluations (there! put that in your eustress and smoke it!), and be satisfied with even less than perfect choices (it's just experience for next time).
In the immortal words of Patrick McFeather, "Don't worry, it's alright!"
...The wedding will over before you know it, it'll be fabulous (even if not exactly perfect-who cares?), a lifelong memory (often, the things that go haywire make the best memories), and merely the start of all the best parts of your life!
-No matter how it all goes, you will still be loved by most everyone who knows you, prayed for, and rejoiced with as you go along life's pathways (those few who don't - who cares?)...
-And now for the best part of the whole commentary......
"beh-deh-beh-deh-beh-deh-beh-That's All Folks!!"
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