The Dose Makes the Poison

Sometimes I feel like there’s too much to do in life. It feels like there is so much out there that we must see and feel and touch and do, but there is only so much time. And the time we have we’re often too tired to really pursue what it is that we want. Right now I’m in Boston and I know that this is an amazing place, great sights to see, amazing history to absorb, a culture to delve into…but at the same time I’m so tired from my day that I can’t really take the time it needs to do everything.

If only business vacations could eliminate the business portion, then they would be just about perfect. However, after working my ~50 hours that I will this week I’m pretty worn down, especially considering all of my work time is running around talking, thinking about how things best work and helping people learn. Teaching is not the easiest thing in the world, but it’s really neat to see people begin to realize their dreams by learning more. Okay, maybe not their dreams, but at least become better at what they hope to do…that’s cool.

The real problem is, there’s so much to do in this world; however, in my spare time I just want to do nothing. But I know there’s more to do out there, so I feel obligated to get everything done that can possibly be crammed into my 24 hours. I don’t want to be one of those people that sits around in life and says, ‘Shore glad I sat on the porch that one summer. I got to see six squirrels making babies and once had a dragon fly land on me…durned thing only had three wings and kept flyin’ aroun’ in circles all afternoon.’ Or, ‘I’m glad I spent my entire life’s earnings on pot. I used to just think I was somebody and I would try to do things, but now I FEEL.’ What do you feel? ‘I don’t know.’

So my life is spent somewhere in the limbo between doing too much and never appreciating life and doing too little and wishing you had actually accomplished something. I don’t know where things should end up. I guess the hardest thing for me is to just admit that sometimes it’s okay to just let something slide, to take a break, to do nothing, to zone out while thinking about nothing. It doesn’t automatically make you a loser. Once again I see that this aspect of life is bounded by the realization that anything in the proper proportions is good.