Retarded Children Given Hope to Contribute to Society

I got this ridiculous forward from somebody today:

ALERT: EPA TO ALLOW PESTICIDE TESTING ON ORPHANS & MENTALLY HANDICAPPED CHILDREN
Public comments are now being accepted by the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) on its newly proposed federal regulation regarding the testing of chemicals and pesticides on human subjects. Earlier this year, Congress had mandated the EPA create a rule that permanently bans chemical testing on pregnant women and children, but the EPA's newly proposed rule actually creates gaping loopholes for the chemical industry. The rule allows for government and industry scientists to treat children as human guinea pigs in chemical experiments in the following situations:

1) Children who "cannot be reasonably consulted," such as those that are mentally handicapped or orphaned newborns may be tested on. With permission from the institution or guardian in charge of the individual, the child may be exposed to chemicals for the sake of research.

2) Parental consent forms are not necessary for testing on children who have been neglected or abused.

3) Chemical studies on any children outside of the U.S. are acceptable.

I would say more, but I really don't think I could make it more ridiculous. Believe me, I tried, but nothing else can really fit better in the canned pity script:

1. Innocent Group
2. Malicious People
3. Act of Insane Evilness
   

You just can't get better than what those Organic People came up with on their own. Touche

Dear Ms. Carly Simon,

You wrote that entire song about them, but the entire time you claim it's not about them. How dumb are you to think that singing about somebody has nothing to do with them?

You are the butt of your own joke...ah, the sweet irony.

Sincerely,
Otis

Something to Digest

I was going thru a Reader's Digest today (while in the bathroom, because we know that is the true resting place for all Reader's Digest magazines) and I noticed that there was a ridiculous number of advertisements. There were the full page ads, the half page ads, the multiple page adds with fine print aimed at people that are too old to read anything that small, and the scourge of all ads...the little cards that drop out all over the place.

I sat there simultaneously bringing the end of a normal Reader's Digest while ending my own digestion and ripped out the pages that were only advertisement pages. Then I began to count pages on which there was any actual content. That's when I began to realize that it wasn't just a feeling...there really are too many ads in Reader's Digest. For example, of the first 83 pages only 31 have any content on them..31! That's ridiculous, it's like going to a 2 hour movie and having to sit thru 3 hours and 21 minutes of previews. Fortunately, the process of taking off the extra pork from my* Reader's Digest was quite satisfying and a routine that I think I will repeat with all future magazines.

*Dad, for some reason the Post Office decided that I was you and then informed Reader's Digest that you moved and I've gotten RD for the last 3 months. So just in case you were wondering why you hadn't seen yours, it's because they're here. You're welcome to use my bathroom anytime you like though.

Suspended State of Disbelief

With the holiday season (or for you conservatives that can't stand the thought that other people might celebrate other holidays, you can pretend that I said "Christmas" Season), comes lots of songs that will follow you in your car, in the mall, in your favorite grocery store. Most of that music is cheesy, but rather nostalgic. I actually really enjoy the classic songs that help us to celebrate the season, like Silent Night, We Three Kings, I LOVE Hark to the Bells, and Nat King Cole sings some great songs. There are a few good songs that just sing about winter and the fun with the family. While I think that chestnuts roasted on an open fire taste pretty gross, I can definitely appreciate the song. The final genre is those lame songs that people write because they want to trick children into believing Santa Clause is real. I figured it out on my own when I was 4...so that was pretty much my 2nd self-aware Christmas. Oh well, it's a lame trick, but some of those songs are cute about how Santa Clause is coming to town, but that's true just like the insurgents in Iraq only want peace and the apocalypse is nigh.

What I can't stand though is listening to the ridiculous story of Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. -Which actually "was originally written in verse by Robert L. May for the Montgomery Ward chain of department stores in 1939 and published as a book to be given to children in the store at Christmas time." (Wikipedia)- I can suspend my disbelief for Santa, that snow men can talk and be your friend, that elves work in sweatshops to make gifts for the spoiled children, or that Santa is able to visit every house in one evening in the whole world. What I can't buy into is that a Reindeer has a nose that glows. Yeah, an animal might have a nose that's really red, but it most certainly won't send an infrared beam that magically helps Santa to see thru blinding fog.

Now, if it was Rudolph the Red Nose Anglerfish, then I could maybe begin to buy into the story that one of Santa's animals has a glowing protrusion.

But until that day, this song is a load of crap, and we should do our best to keep it from ever being played. If we ever want children to listen to what we say, then we first need to start by not telling such ridiculous lies!

Top 10

After a little talking with some of my friends, we all decided to make a post about our personal Top 10 for music albums. So here are my favs in no particular order:

1. Yourself or Someone Like You - Matchbox 20
   Start to finish no other album grips every emotion a young person has had as well as this album. While the music is not complex, the emotions, fears, joys, doubts and struggles are ones that every person has secretly dealt with.
   
2. Siamese Dream - Smashing Pumpkins
   Highlight of 90s Alternative Rock. Great droning guitars, poetic lyrics. This album helped me feel at home the whole time I was in Germany in highschool
   
3. August and Everything After - Counting Crows
   Any album by the Crows is great. These guys just put so much into their music and you can listen to it end to end and then still want more.
   
4. A Rush of Blood to the Head - Coldplay
   Particularly the first 5 songs. Coldplay mixes their sound incredibly well.
   
5. The Ultimate Experience - Jimi Hendrix
   Jimi just blows me away. I can't listen to an album of his without longing to play my guitar and wishing that I possessed a smidgeon of his talent.
   
6. This Side - Nickel Creek
   Folksy, Fun, and Honest. This album helps to prove why Nickel Creek is one of the best bands out there that simply can't be categorized.
   
7. The Matrix Soundtrak - Various Artists
   Every time I hear anything from this soundtrack I want to race my car or kick some butt.
   
8. Melancholie and the Infinite Sadness - Smashing Pumpkins
   The first 1.5 CDs are an amazing compilation. Although about half way thru the second you begin to see the demise of the Pumpkins.
9. MTV Unplugged - Nirvana
   All the pain and agony of Kurt, just before he killed himself. This is Nirvana at their absolute best.
   
10. You Gotta Go There to Come Back - Stereophonics
    Surprise find. Everything is so funky, fun, groovy, and just enjoyable. I can listen to this album on a loop and love every minute.
    

I didn't think that I'd be quite as much of a music junkie as this post seems to indicate, but when thinking of albums for this post I realized that there are a LOT of great CDs out there. Here is a small list of noteworthy albums that didn't quite make it.

Honorable Mentions:

• Jagged Little Pill - Alanis Morissette
• Poetry & Aeroplanes - Teitur
• Awake is the New Sleep - Ben Lee
• Self Titled - The Presidents of the United States of America
• Joshua Tree - U2
• Live at Luther College - Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds
• Delux - Better than Ezra
• Self Titled - Collective Soul
• Demon Days - Gorillaz
• Cracked Rearview Mirror - Hootie and the Blowfish
• Crossroads - Jon Bon Jovi
• ZoSo - Led Zeppelin
• Black Album - Metallica
• Office Space Soundtrack
• The Fat of the Land - Prodigy
• Grave Diggers Union - Soul Asylum
• Self Titled - Third Eye Blind

Special thanks to Monique for the inspiration for this thread of blogs.